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  • Tired of Waiting

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    "Dear Edie,
    I am relatively new to the Salsa "scene," and need some quick advice/information. I know that my problem is probably covered in your new book, so I'll agree to buy the book if you give me a little preview advice. Here's my problem-

    From time to time, I will meet a guy (often Latino, but not always) at a club, who is either a great dancer, or not a great dancer, who will dance with me several times and be very attentive, and then ask for my phone number. (FYI I am white, at least semi-attractive, and am still learning Salsa and taking lessons, but can dance with about 50% of the guys at the clubs).

    So, after I give him my phone number, and sometimes I will get his number, I never hear from him again.

    A friend of mine has had similar experiences. For example, one guy showered her with attention at a club, bought her drinks, said he didn't have a girlfriend, asked for her number, and then never called because the girl he arrived with was not "just his dance partner" but rather his serious girlfriend.

    Although this may not be true in every case, I have heard that there are guys out there who just collect numbers. But I have to admit that I seem to be duped every time into thinking that just once, one of them will call.

    My friends tell me that I should NEVER call them if they don't call first. However, I feel that life is too short to be at the mercy of any member of the male species. Rather than waiting around getting annoyed, I am considering calling first. Is this terrible? I don't want to fuel some guy's ego trip, but I don't want to let an opportunity go by either. I don't really buy into the idea that they might be intimidated by me- especially when they appear so sure of themselves at the clubs.

    I am not really taking up this sport just to meet people. That is an added benefit, but I do enjoy it for the pure sake of dancing. However, it takes the fun out of it somewhat to get one's hopes up, and then return to that "just for fun" baseline. What do you think?"
    - Tired of Waiting


    I will leave it up to our readers to answer this one...


    Happy Dancing!
    - Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!
    www.SalsaFreak.com

    • ediester
      #7
      ediester commented
      Editing a comment
      Dear Tired of Waiting,
      Well I think this women for one should be careful because in not just the Salsa nightclubs but in any nightclub scene, there's lots of guys who collect phone numbers and than later decide to do "eny meny miny mo" and it maybe that they don't have some spectacular interest but to have a pass time at that moment that he meets the girl or to save it (the number) for later for if he gets bored. She's got to understand that latin men will say anything to make a women feel good, just to please, and to get a reaction. It may sound blunt, but it's true, it's nothing personal towards a particular girl, its just reality.

      Unfortunately for Caucasian women its worse because Latin men know that (mostly) other nationality men are not as smooth talkers as they are. So even us Latin women who know still get caught up in their flowery words imagine Caucasian women who honestly have a really hard time finding in their own race a man that will romance them. I believe that until she get's to kind of know the truth from false appearance, she shouldn't give out her number and if she does, she should probably not be the first to call. Or at least until they get to know them a little better in the scene. Or it will just feed their egos more.

    • ediester
      #8
      ediester commented
      Editing a comment
      Dear Tired of Waiting,
      f a guy doesn't call you after he said he would, don't chase after him. The macho mentality is that a girl that chases is not desirable and men will just use them (sex if they can) and go onto the next one. Then the girl will start getting a bad reputation because rumors spread like wild fire in night clubs. This might sound old fashioned but it is reality inLatin Clubs.

      Just go out by yourself (be careful) or with the girls, dance, have fun and if a "nice" guy calls you good- but these guys that treat you nice one night and forget about the next are not worth your time! If your prime goal is to have fun at a club, my personal advice is to not give a guy your number at all; ask him to meet you at another club on a certain night and if he shows up and is still treating you great, then you got a dance partner to have fun with and you can see if he is genuinely interested. Then if you decide he is 'worth it', you can give him your number.

      If you are wanting to get intimate with a guy you are attracted to.. that's another story. The better dancer the girl or guy is, the more partners they have to choose from- work on your own dancing too.

    • ediester
      #9
      ediester commented
      Editing a comment
      Dear Tired of Waiting,
      I just wish I had a friend to talk to when I was in your situation two years ago. I was so alone. I'd go to clubs alone (still do), but sometimes not leave alone...

      When I first started dancing, I went through what you're going through. I used to flirt with every guy, tug on his ear, tickle his stomache everything (while we were dancing!!), and give my number out to ANYONE because I was so lonely. I developed a VERY bad reputation, and have had to force it to "recover" these past two years, by purposely saying "no", being shy, and not flirting, going home alone, and dancing with every male in the place - not just one or two. Guys STILL talk badly about me to this day. I'm 1/2 white too, grew up in a "white" world, and was totally blown away by this sudden burst of MASSIVE ATTENTION and confidence by the Latin male race... my headwas spinning!!

      For the short term, as of tonight, please play hard-to-get. Go home alone. Have a blast, but don't give out your number to anyone. Concentrate on your dancing, and good time, not on starting a relationship - it is very dangerous to do that with a Latin man.

      If you want a relationship, it will come. Don't call them. Meet them. Go to breakfast a few times with them. Meet them at a club, go to breakfast again, go to dinner before dancing, meet them. Wait a while before they pounce on you, then drop you like a bad habbit and go on to their next prey...

      Beware my friend. You WILL get hurt. You WILL develop a bad reputationVERY FAST...

      Play the shy one, the hard-to-get one, it's a very, very small world, this Salsa scene... rumors spread like wildfire. Don't get caught in the "reputation" trap. Just have a good time... for now. You will not believe how many men will be after you after a while. Then, my friend, you can pick and choose to your heart's content. Only the best - one man - will come out of the woodwork after about a year in the scene. If you're with one guy, no one else will touch you, out of respect for that other guy - Latin guys are funny that way. They respect each other's "women". Be as free, and as single as you possibly can. Take your time. Ask the guy for THEIR number - but don't call them. Play THEIR game, and see how THEY feel. Latin men love purity in a woman. If you want a Latin guy, and you end up with one, he will not like you dancing with other guys... in fact, he won't even let you go out... he will get so incredibly jealous that you will no longer have a good time dancing. The clincher is that while you're at home, washing clothes, cooking, cleaning, and having his kids, he's out at Salsa clubs playing Mr. Single Guy....he basically feels as the man of the house, he can do whatever he wants. He learned this from HIS father, and his grandfather, brothers, uncles, friends, etc, etc....

      God I hate saying that. But after two years of experience and talking with SO MANY males and females about relationships with Latinos, and after actually experiencing this for myself... girlfriend, just be careful. Mark my words.

      Be VERY cautious in this Latin world. Latin men hate "easy chicks". When you're hard-to-get, they are all over you like white on rice... ALL OF THEM. When you're conservative, they love you to death. I'll send you responses from my friends as they come in... After reading this for a second time now, it's still all true. Isn't the truth HARSH???? But oh, it's so true. If you DO decided to date a Latin guy from a Salsa club, agree to do it in secret - no one should know about it. Tell him that up front. You both must agree on this - up front. Tell people you're dance partners if they ask... tell them you're NOT DATING - just partners...

      Don't show affection for each other at the clubs. Just dance, and have a good time. What you do in private should be kept private - no one should ever know. He'll like that very much, by the way... (scumbags...)

      If you want to get serious and marry this man, you won't need to do anything... he'll do it all, and dictate the relationship. It's just their way.
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