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  • Doomed in New York

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    "Hi Edie: I have encountered a problem in my search for a Salsa dance partner in New York City and am wondering if you had any ideas.

    I am a natural born Salsera in my mid 30s who has been dancing Salsa all my life!! I would like to hook up with a male dance partner (intermediate to advanced) to practice at least once a week here in the NYC clubs. The problem I have encountered is the fact that I am married.

    My husband is a gringo who has tried to go dancing with me, we have even taken classes together. Unfortunately for me, my hubby just does not want to get into Latin music. He likes heavy metal music (aaaggghhh, noise!!!).

    Anyway he suggested that I try to find a Salsero whom I can get together with 3 or 4 times a month. I have posted my search on your partner search board and have answered some of the search ads. As soon as I tell someone I am married (which is something I do right away) they freak out and don't want to even meet me!!

    What should I do??

    Am I doomed to just going to clubs and waiting for someone to ask me to dance?? I really would like to dance with someone on a regular basis. I need to dance!!!!! Help! Thanks."*
    - Doomed"

    Dear Doomed,
    I've been married three times.
    1st Husband that was (and still is) Gringo, liked heavy metal, motorcycles, hated Salsa, cheated on me more than I care to think about.
    He was the "reason" I started Salsa. He was never #1 for me.

    2nd Husband that loved Salsa music, loved to dance, became my dance partner, but had a drinking and womanizing problem.
    He was the "reason" I would never marry a Salsero ever again. He was never #1 for me.

    3rd Husband that is Gringo, likes heavy metal, motorcycles, hates Salsa, and has made me #1 in his life - because I have made him #1 in MY life.
    He is the "reason" for my existence at this point.
    If I were you, I would NOT try to desperately try and find a dance partner. You've heard: "When the student is ready, the Teacher will come." The same holds true for YOU. When YOU are ready, your partner will come - in perfect timing.
    Work on your "self". Work on your styling, your spins, all that. Perfect YOURSELF alone first.
    Married or not, if you are an excellent follow, Salseros will enjoy dancing with you. Take private lessons as often as you can to get really really good.

    The most important thing right now, is that both you and and your husband make each other #1 in your lives.
    If spouses feel they are second fiddle, they will seek greener pastures. Bottom Line.
    Love each other for who you both are and accept each other, just as you are. No "conditions".

    Accept them for WHO THEY ARE, and LOVE THEM ANYWAY.

    Happy Dancing!
    - Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!
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