By Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!

"Dear Edie,
My girlfriend is just not that attractive to me anymore. I mean, we go out dancing, but I just can't seem to get her to do what the other girls are doing on the dance floor - she doesn't move like they do. She's slow, her turns are off, she can't do a triple to save her life... I really want her to get better, but she just keeps digging in her heels and criticizing my lead. I've been told my lead is great. She doesn't think so.

Then, check this. She told a buddy of mine that 'I' can't make her feel like the other guys do out there - she gets her fix with other guys and not me. ... IT'S LIKE THE SAME PROBLEM ON HER END.
I feel like she's critical of me, and I am critical of her.
Tell me I'm not the only one going through this.
- A Frustrated Salsero"

Dear "Frustrated Salsero",
I'm going to give general advice to both sexes,
then I will hone-in on specific "Advice for Women",
and then specific "Advice for Men" ...

Advice for Both Sexes:

Criticism will motivate people to distance themselves from you and see you as a negative place where they need to stay away from. They will do whatever it takes to avoid you to feel better about themselves.

They will seek solice elsewhere. No matter how "low class" or "less than" these people they choose to be with may seem to you, at least in that space, they are not criticized and feel "safe".

This goes for both men AND women.

Sometimes we don't even realize we are being critical. Especially to those who are closest to you.
"We" don't feel we are being critical, but trust me, it doesn't MATTER what YOU think or feel, or even believe.
... All that matters is how THEY FEEL.

They are the people that get overly sensitive to you and your ways if you are not "wise" to HOW you communicate your thoughts to them.
  • If you question them, they may feel you are criticising them.
  • If you come up with a better "way", they may feel threatened and criticized.
  • If you have a comment to say about an act, they may feel criticized.
  • If you look at them with no smile on your face, they may feel like a failure.
  • If you clear your throat, they may take it wrong.
  • If you laugh a bit, or give a small smirk, they may feel offended.

Sometimes, dealing with sensitive people like this is next to impossible.
The best method is to simply "Say nothing.".
  • Don't ask questions
  • Don't smirk
  • Don't squeek,
  • Don't clear your throat.
  • Don't look puzzled.

What you should do instead:
  • Smile. Even if it's fake.
  • Tell them they are so handsome, and/or so beautiful.
  • Change the subject.
  • Leave lovingly.
  • Compliment them.
  • "Move on" with absolute joy.

When a person feels criticized, they will do most or all of the following:
  • Find a multitude of ways to either directly or indirectly act out and express their frustration.
  • Stop communicating any appreciation for you.
  • Tell you everything that you've done wrong in their eyes since you met.
  • Spend more time away from you and your relationship.
  • No longer want to know about nor understand your feelings
  • No longer a good source of support or comfort for you.
  • Feel like a failure in their lives
  • Stop being passionate with you.
  • Stop letting you in on their feelings and deep thoughts and shut you out.

Advice for Strong Women:
  • When you're a strong woman, and the men you surround yourself with are weak, your actions (above) will not only de-stabilize your relationship but also alienate yourself.
  • When you ask questions, consider saying, or not saying something... ANYTHING differently.
  • If you display your intelligence and mental superiority because of your excellent education and/or experience, you will be considered the following:

  1. [*=1]A ... "B_I_T_C_H".
    [*=1]If you don't agree with me, he won't change, and will point you back to #1 on this list.

Been there, done that.

Sometimes we as women just have to act dumb and stupid to get along with weak men.

The Ultimate Answer:

Surround yourself with Strong, Alpha Males.

who RESPECT you,

AND... can easily PULL OUT YOUR
Natural Feminine Nature

just by being the "Real Respectable Men" God originally intended them to be.

Bottom Line:
The more Masculine a man is,
the more Feminine you will naturally become.

You won't need to put the pants on.

Girlfriend, an Alpha Male has already got that area COVERED.

Advice for
Strong Men:

You need to dance with your significant other, like you dance with NO ONE ELSE.
When you dance together, treat her COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY than you do other women on the dance floor.

The following list will mend your relationship on the dance floor.
Not only that, but it will also make her melt, submit, respect, honor, and want to MAKE MAD PASSIONATE LOVE TO YOU when the night is over:

CAUTION and WARNING to all MALE Saleros:
The following should ONLY BE DONE with your SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
The following ideas are VERY POTENT and will turn you into a PLAYER if you fling these ideas around with every woman in the room, so WATCH YOURSELF. If you use these methods too often, you will gain a horrible "Player" reputation and end up being HATED with women who take it seriously and you ignore them later. We've all seen the names and descriptions of "Players" written on the bathroom stalls of the world.

I even saw a Poster of a guy on a bathroom stall at the Mayan in Los Angeles, with his picture, phone number, name and the word "PLAYER A_S_S_H_O_L_E" written on the very top. It was in every stall.

...In every bathroom...

... and then all the car windows in the parking lot outside.

It became Legend. We never saw that guy again.

Women respond to:
  • about 40% Visual, and 60% Auditory.
  • We are immediately affected by your stance.
  • We can instantly visualize your WORDS.
  • We internalize every word you say.
  • We remember "how" you said it.
  • Good or bad... we REMEMBER everything. The "who, what, where, when and HOW" it was said.

Woman are quite extraordinary. We have no idea why we are built this way. We just "are".
The best male lovers know this, and therefore ALWAYS know what to say, AND HOW, no matter what.
They are "Smooth Talkers" and Incredible Lovers.
(We blame their mothers for hugging and kissing them too much when they were children).

Here are a few ideas off the top of my head (there are hundreds) for your significant other ONLY:

  • Dance slowly, and passionately with her. Even if the song is super fast.
  • Look deeply into her eyes.
  • Smile softly.
  • Truly enjoy her presence and essence, from the bottom of your heart.
  • Gently Caress her cheek.
  • Run your fingers SLOWLY and SOFTLY through her hair.
  • Always and every single day, tell her she's beautiful. (key - even if she's not at that particular moment. Just tell her anyway.) She will become more beautiful every time you tell her she's beautiful. (Law of the Universe).
  • Turn her slowly, stop her, and caress her shoulders softly. Smell the perfumed fragrance from her neck - softly and slowly. (Ladies, I've been hearing complaints from Salseros about feminine B.O. in the clubs lately - What's up with that?)
  • Put your forehead on hers.
  • Close your eyes during this (if not you will go cross-eyed together - not very romantic).
  • If she can't do a double or triple spin, just turn her ONCE (You can only see "blur" during triples anyway)
    Watch her hips and hair flow more beautifully when you only give her a romantic single turn.
    It can be a mind-blowing experience when you watch a woman doing a slow, sensual turn... and then look at you deeply with her eyes...
  • Gentely place your finger tips underneath her chin... hold it... and tell her how much you want her in this moment.
  • Tell her you're jealous of her blouse because it's touching her breasts and not you...
  • Whisper in her ear that you want to give her not just a dozen roses, but an entire JUNGLE of roses...
  • Softly tell her you want to write a poem on her body with your lips...

..... omg, I could go on, but just thinking about all this makes me crazy! I gotta stop... focus.... pull myself together...
Wow. Even "thinking" about some of the things men have said / done to me on the dance floor STILL makes me weak!

OK. Just got an enormous hug and assurance from my wonderful husband Nick. I'm back. .

Then... when the song is over, watch your lover's face and life LIGHT UP like a Christmas tree!
BUT DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS WITH ANYONE ELSE. Just dance "normally" and fast, and execute triples etc, with everyone else.

These are just a few of the hundreds of little tricks from men than I've learned over the years and years of social dancing that have WORKED WONDERS for men in relationships, and also to "get girls".

The absolute BEST way to learn how to "pick up" women - are the stories and real-life-experiences from WOMAN who have "Been there... done that..." in social dance nightclubs for several decades. Ask any "Veteran Female" in the scene.
She'll agree, and THEN SOME.

Bottom line gentlemen,
DANCE with your SIGNIFICANT OTHER like you dance with NO ONE ELSE.

Treat her COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY than you do other women on the dance floor.

I wrote a small little E-Book on how to effectively visually display your masculinity with her here.
Believe it or not guys, women are very visual as well. This E-Study guide shows "How and Why" we see you as we do.

The E-Book is only the beginning of what I have to tell you about How and What Women Think about YOU.

Happy Dancing!! See you in the Forums!!
- Edie, The Salsa FREAK!! www.SalsaFreak.com

Edie, The Salsa FREAK!! is one of the most recognized and respected Salsa Instructor/Performers in the world. In the past twenty years, she has traveled to 63 countries teaching the world to dance, and has been the first American to teach in 18 of those countries. She now lives in the high mountains of beautiful Colorado with her wonderful husband, Nick. You may contact her at www.SalsaFreak.com